On Losing:

Within the past few months, I lost (and found, but some not found) a lot of shit. Quite a few of them I don’t understand or remember why and how I lost it, and that’s the part that sucks most. Even though sometimes it may be because of too many drinks one night, but when it’s not it’s as if I’m suffering from anterograde amnesia. Losing blows. Losing a champion game in some High School tournament, losing things that you spent time and effort working on, losing something you spent a fortune on, losing a person, losing a friend — and not just of tangible matters. However, it’s the lost of those tangible objects that led me to thinking more about it. Because this I have kind of lost trust for myself. I am a sore loser. Sometimes I do things because I tell myself that I have nothing to lose when in fact, logistically, I have everything to lose… but that moment of knowing you have nothing to hold on to felt really good, and we all live for those small moments anyway don’t we? I don’t even know if this makes sense anymore.

The bright side of losing is finding or gaining, so I can only hope that from all the losing that occurred within the last few months (and possibly years)… I will start finding.

On a more joyous note, I got my eBoy poster yesterday, the weather is sort of nice and warm again, and two of my frames also came in the mail — let’s pray that I don’t fuck this up.

Ps. Very rarely do I spontaneously (and publicly) express myself verbally, this is just so I can… remember.